prettypinkbutterflyseashellflowerugh

I have a friend....rather, my BH (better half) has a friend, who is all things sunshine. Petite, blond, bubbly, optimistic, upbeat, happy, shiny, beautiful and successful (if you can think of any other positive adjectives, they likely apply to her 100 percent). My BH sent me the link to her blog, the incarnation of her latest-wildly-successful-business, "Photographer Extraordinaire" (mind you, she just sold her last fabulously successful business, started from a near-defunct effort on her father's part, for some obscene amount of money). The site is gorgeous; bright and cheery with fun music in the background, all of which perfectly showcase her talent as a children's photographer. Oh, and she's a terrific writer to boot. There is a picture of her, sitting cross-legged on the floor, cropped blond hair pulled back in a scarf, kelly-green T-shirt, jeans and cute flip-flops, a genuinely happy smile on her gorgeous face. My only thought, "I want to be her!"

Reality is, I can't even come close. For starters, next to her I look like a monstrosity; tall, gangly, dark and brooding. I look ridiculous in pink and kelly green, two colors I claim to love but which are repelled by me......LOL.....I am wearing hot pink right now!!!!

OK, rewind.

I am in awe of her. She gives the impression of being able to float seamlessly from one success to another, nailing what she is passionate about and making her dream reality. She began this photography business because she likes to take pictures. How much more simple can that be?? I am not naive to think it all comes easily -- she works her a** off. I have seen her at the end of a very long and thankless week in her other business, ready to burn the place down....she confesses in her blog to being up well past her bedtime reviewing pictures for a meeting with a client the next day.....but still.....she pushes on, and I think at the end of the day, rests comfortably in what she knows to be a success.

My kelly-green T reads, "Envy".

I am not jealous of her business, her accomplishments, what she has, or even who she is (though I do prick a bit at the tremendous respect my BH has for her, that in 12 years, he has not found merit for in me). I am envious of her ability to be true to herself; you look at her and you know, what you see, what she does and how she does it, is exactly who she is. She gives the impression she is comfortable and happy in, and with herself, and she operates from a position of absolute surety in her ability to accomplish what she wants. And if she doesn't? I suspect she just rolls up her sleeves and keeps trying until she does.

For someone who is hit with a paralyzing fear just thinking about trying, her approach is almost flabbergasting to me. How does such a creature come to be? Is this a learned thing, or innate to her character? Was I busy lamenting the size of the boobs I was given and missed the moment in my creation when they handed out confidence? (If that is the case, I stood in the "fear" line twice, and apparently picked up someone else's portion of "dark sarcasm" in addition to mine). And then I found it, in a post on her blog: "....I just have to take a second and brag about my Mom. She has always been so proud of whatever I've done (and if you've ever been on the sidelines next to her cheering at one of my sporting events, you and your ears know what I mean)" She has been instilled with the sense that someone out there is on her side, no matter what she does.

I understand, this is not the only reason she is the fabulous person she is, but it is a huge part of it. This is a quality my BH exhibits as well; they know, no matter what, they will be succeed -- in no small part due to the tremendous effort they make to that end -- and there is a host of people cheering them on as they do. But, if you have never had that; if you have muddled through life on your own, having your decisions questioned and accomplishments dismissed as accidents, how do you set your script aside and become a happy, bubbly, kelly-green-T-wearin' kind of girl?

p.s. -- take a look at her site (see "This caught my eye") and marvel. If you happen to be in Annapolis, make sure you book a sitting; she is as fabulous as she looks.